so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He did a backflip because drugs
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