He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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