I want to walk on stilts...naked
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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