How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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