if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
