i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
