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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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