just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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