The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am midnight drunk by noon
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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