I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
