i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
