a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
