i just had sex bonerless
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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