I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
