Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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