i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
