i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Success! We fucked roommates!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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