Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
