I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
