We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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