I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
