all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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