goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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