oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
