Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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