Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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