First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
