I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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