I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
