I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
