if you like me you must not know who I am
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize