My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
