It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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