Barsexuality is the new black.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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