Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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