hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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