I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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