I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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