worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
