i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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