I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
