I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
