if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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