just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
