the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
