Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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