Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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