im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize