she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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