I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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