Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
