i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
