i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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