Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
