??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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