The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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