Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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