Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
