Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
