Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
