u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
