I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
