Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found puke in my bra..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
