The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I could fuck to npr.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
