I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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