you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize